Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu.
First of all, we are extremely saddened to know about the unfortunate
circumstances leading up to your sister’s impending divorce. That somebody
lied about themselves before getting married is a very serious matter, especially
if your sister’s marriage was arranged by the family. There are very stringent
measures of cross-checking family and personal histories in traditional arranged
marriages as you would know, so it is truly unfortunate what has happened to your
sister.
On the other hand, it is only fair and just that we are familiarised with both
sides before making sweeping statements and in your sister’s case, there
are some very grave considerations.
First is the fact that she has a full-grown daughter aged nine who is now faced
with the trauma of seeing her parents separate. In Canada, as elsewhere in the
Western world, divorce is quite prevalent. The shattering effect on lives and
livelihoods cannot be underestimated. Your niece is probably just as attached
to her father as she is to her mother and your family cannot deny that right.
Second is the issue of single parenting. In a career-driven society such as
Canada, your sister will now have the added concern of finding for herself whilst
trying to bring up a child. We are struck by your acknowledgement that your
family have tried for a long time to force the issue and prompt your sister
to take this action.
You have also referred to an “Islamic-mindset” within your family
set up. However, with due respect, we are struck that for 11 years your family
did not try to help this man who clearly needed a lot of help, a lot of compassion,
a lot of patience and a lot of guidance – all enjoined on the Muslims
in the strongest terms in the Qur’an and by the Prophet, peace be upon
him. It seems your family, faced with this ‘unsightly, embarrassing’
spectre of a son/brother-in-law that did not “fit the ideal” of
your “Islamic family”.
We apologise sincerely for taking this approach but we hope you and family
understand some of the issues here. The verses relating to divorce in the noble
Qur’an enjoin both the families and any mediators to try their absolute
best to keep the couple together, as long as they do not transgress the limits
set by Allah, SWT. The Qur’an gives us clues as to the issues faced by
children involved in dissolved marriages. In every instance, the greatest emphasis
is placed on “God-consciousness”. If your family’s collective
conscience is clear about all this, then we are further surprised that you have
written to us.
Finally, in response to your last question, while it is honourable to suggest
or find a partner for a lonely divorcee, because everyone is entitled to happiness,
we are again struck by how you are thinking so far ahead when in fact your sister
is still married to your brother-in-law. Should you all fail to resolve your
differences and this divorce takes place, please, please spend time with your
sister and especially your nine-year-old niece and give them your full support
and compassion.
Again we ask you to overlook our words if they are not to your liking and we
pray that Allah, SWT, will guide you and your family. All Praise be to Allah,
Sublime and Perfect, while any fault lies with us.
Assalmu alaykum
M&A