Let us begin by quoting from the “Best of Creation”, none other than the beloved Prophet Muhammad, PBUH, who said: “The believers whose faith is most perfect are those who have the best character,” and “Do not consider any kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.”

We learn from these beautiful sayings that we cannot possibly have the benefits and blessings that pour from the Mercy of Allah, SWT, without perfecting or trying to perfect our faith and this is impossible without possessing good character. Too often we find people who perform salat, give zakat, fast, perform Hajj and other acts of ibadah and yet they are unmindful of their duties to husband or wife and sometimes even downright cruel behind closed doors.

Is the state of affairs where you barely know your husband and are “losing interest” a mutual condition or one-way? What are the factors that have led to this? When the Prophet, PBUH, said, “Do not consider any kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face,” the words are applicable to every person that you interact with, especially the interaction between husband and wife, for Allah, SWT, Himself said: “…you are garments to one another…” i.e. as close as the skin is to the garment on your body. Therefore the relationship between a husband and wife should be filled with love, kindness, mercy, compassion and deep understanding. If we look at the relationship between the Prophet, PBUH, and the Mother of the Believers Khadijah, RA, we see the greatest example in the history of the world of love and compassion, care and understanding. When you ask, “What should I do?” here is your answer: make the effort, get to know one another, show compassion, open up to one another and interact with willing.

A marriage which is bereft of these emotions and dynamics is like a well without water and a house without people. Of course, humankind was created with certain weaknesses and sometimes the believers will find themselves in situations that are irrecoverable and no matter, how hard they try, separation will ensue. Again deliberately drawing from the classical history of Islam – because that is the perfect model for all times – we have much to learn from the famous but sad experiences of Zaid, RA, and Zaynab, RA, whose marriage was dissolved despite the very best efforts of everyone involved. The key lesson from that is the fact that everyone genuinely tried their absolute best, fearing Allah, SWT, and remaining true to His Will. We pray that you are guided sister and are blessed with happiness and contentment. All Praise be to Allah, Sublime and Perfect, while any fault lies with us.

Assalmu alaykum.

M&A