The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have the marriage sermon delivered in an assembly to solemnise the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a whole life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility. These are the very pillars of a Muslim’s life. Mutual love and kindness – a two-way flow of traffic – should be the basis of a sound marriage. The issue of social responsibility incorporates education and wealth – both important to the life-blood of a healthy Muslim society (for example, an educated Muslim is better than an uneducated one, and here we do not at all mean ‘paper education’ that involves letters after your name such as degree or masters honours or PhD thesis, but the broadest sense of ‘ilm (knowledge). Also, a wealthy Muslim is more able to offer zakah, sadaqah and other things that require financial capability than a poor Muslim. As for ‘self-conceit’, we are somewhat confused by your use of this expression – perhaps you mean ‘ego’? Certainly the ego is something that must be controlled and every Muslim knows – or should know – about the repeat warnings in the Qur’an and hadith traditions that tell us to guard against the fatal consequences of an uncontrolled ego. We are similarly confused by your use of the expression ‘women’s satisfaction’ – perhaps you mean ‘independence’ of women? Again, this is a vast subject. However, both parties must remember that the very basis of the Khutbah-tun-Nikah that solemnises the marriage contract begins with the Praise of Allah, His Help and Guidance being sought and includes one hadith that ends with the declaration of the Prophet (PBUH) that “…he who turns away from my sunnah has no relation with me…" (Bukhari). Unfortunately, with the exposure to non-Islamic social values, trends and fashionable habits, many Muslims are turning away from the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and therefore storing up trouble for themselves. Once the ‘glamour’ of the wedding day and ‘honeymoon period’ is over, many couples find themselves in deep trouble because one or both parties “have no relation with me” as the Prophet (PBUH) said.

There are many ways to put a troubled marriage back on the right track – if the husband and wife are sincere. The following principles can be used by Muslims whose marriages are already in trouble or by Muslims who would like to avoid trouble in their marriage:

Relationship: Many Muslims treat each other like enemies rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss and his wife should listen to him. The wife feels that she needs more freedom and can behave anyhow she wants. Some wives fail to appreciate the many things their husbands do for them. They make the husband feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. On the other hand, some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them and even physically abuse them. This is all wrong.

Behaviour: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “…The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives…” (Tirmidhi). The same applies to the Muslim woman.

War of words: Take extreme care about what you say when you are upset. Sometimes people will say things that they would never say when they are calm. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation. Women use biting words while men use hurtful ones. This is not the behaviour of Muslims.

Recognise the other: Show appreciation for what your partner does. A wife should never make her husband feel that he is not good enough while the husband should show his wife that he appreciates her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don't take it for granted. It is hard work, and everyone likes to receive recognition for efforts made.

We hope and pray that your questions have been adequately answered. Any mistake is ours while all Praise belongs to Allah, SWT.

Assalamu alaykum,

M&A